Second

Cancer myths: Cancer doesnt change your character.Maybe you become more sensitive, more open ,more compassionate, but I still have the same likes and dislikes.I still love chocolate flavoured icecream. Why is there so much stigma associated with cancer? Agreed its a deadly disease and not to be taken lightly but how am I responsible for getting it?i have stage 4 adenocarcinoma lung mostly seen in smokers.I am a 36 year old nonsmoker not even exposed to passive smoking( none in my family smoked).I was looking for the answer why me for months after diagnosis and later realised there is no answer.I can keep on digging for it , I wont get an answer.Coz there isnt any.One of my collegues asked me did you eat a lot from outside is that how you got it? Heights of ignorance? THE one question I encounter the most is Oh you are so young how did you get this? Please I dont know how I got it if you know please tell me.I was even asked by a collegue Oh you are divya the one with cancer.Is it pasted on my face that I have cancer? People are so insensitive , ignorant they dont understand even conversations that sound so mild or harmless to them affect us.Do they know how difficult it is living with the disease?You are constantly tested.The treatment is as hard as the disease.Every scan every blood tests scares me.Its so unpredictable.What do you do when you become unconscious and get a seizure when you are getting ready to go to office?when your care takers are your aged parents and they panic? You realise may be it has spread to the brain ( coz i read a lot about the disease and you get hints) how do you tell yourself not to panic? After all this you have oncology nurses asking me questions like Oh!you are so young and you come with your dad everytime so sad you got this.What difference does it make if I make a visit with my dad or husband or boyfriend? In India if you dont have a husband automatically there is something wrong with you not vice versa.i dont want to get into it coz its worse than cancer. I do have feelings.i havent become dumb.i dont want to go into the reasons for all that coz it doesnt hold any importance here.Who am i to judge anyone? I lived with him for 9 years if he was going through this i wouldnt have reacted the same way.I am far more civil.Coz i know me.i am ok after the cyberknife procedure and i tell myself to forget about everything.I dont understand how is my son involved in all this?I didnt want to write all this as i know we cant change anyone but i wanted to get this out of my system.