Tenth

Some of my friends ( few I must say) asked me why am I not writing blogs.I didnt reply.Not because I have no answers , I had too many which one should I tell them?

1) My eye sight was a bit foggy due to high doze steriods, cant read or write much.

2)I didnt have much to write.I was tired, depressed, worried so what to write?

3)I had memory loss ( names in particular) so I didnt know what to write and whom to write about ? Maybe …(repeat stuff ) Its strange and at times scary but I realised what can I do about it? Iam not forgetting stuff because I forgot to study about it ( as in school)

4) High dose steriods make me repeat stuff to everyone I speak to , even if i tell them once i repeat the story again.Iam not working, story is mostly home related ..or movies or the news or gossip (made no sense to me)

5) I wish I could talk to movie stars,famous people not coz I had this disease , coz I liked them….I wanted to make them laugh when I myself knew I wasnt a comedian, I knew one thing for sure, I wasnt looking for sympathy a normal talk, hi or smile .Then I realised why should they?Iam not the only one living like this and its impossible to do that to all right?

6)I dont want to talk about the current scene because I guess it doesnt need discussion from me.I didnt expect maybe a few months back to see everyone in a mask.I remember from the time I was diagnosed ( aug 2017) I used to wear it to all hospital visits.People used to stare at me even in hospitals because as usual I was too young to have cancer ,why is she wearing this mask and doesnt she have a young family? I guess I got used to it ,so now when  I see all wearing it  doesnt make them look weird and I know all will get used to it.

7)Do flowers and plants make me feel happy?It does. It reminds me of the beautiful world,though it makes me realise somehow that we have no control over anything.I guess i realised it earlier.I didnt have a choice.Even now when i get scared, worried I ask myself who is expected to give you an answer?This is not new.I try to convince myself that.

8)Iam not anyone to advice anyone or tell others of what Iam going through.But I just want to repeat something I have written earlier, enjoy your life, respect others.Stop blaming others , things never happen the exact manner you plan them to.Its ok to be sad ,happy ,depressed but dont hurt others , care for them , dont expect anything in return ..I can tell you , when people talk to me normally and make me laugh I feel happy, so make others happy its a small life we all know that now.

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